Easily Orgasmic

Easily orgasmic. I used to think there was something wrong with me. (I originally wrote this on Smutathon 2019 blog. Check it out for more kinky writing and a chance to support a great charity.)

I saw articles, blogs, whole books dedicated to the well known fact that a vaginal orgasm was elusive and damn near impossible. I heard stories of women faking them because they couldn’t have one. I met fundamentalist Christians who said they were even and therefore it was good that they were rare.

And yet…a strong breeze in the right skirt could damn near have me trembling. I could just day dream about a delicious sex scene and cream my panties.
I went through my teens and early adulthood thinking I had never had an orgasm. I couldn’t have. They were too difficult to obtain so whatever I was feeling when I masturbated or fooled around with a partner could not possibly be me cumming…right?

What Did My Partners Think?

I talked to my boyfriend (who would later become my husband) as we cleaned up from mutually masturbating in his truck. I told him that I worried about how easy it was for me to cum. My words were mumbly because I didn’t want him to feel bad. Making a girl orgasm was supposed to be a badge of honor for a guy, right? He shrugged and said that he didn’t think it really matter. “What’s important is that you feel good, right?”

He was right but I still wasn’t sure what was going on.
It wasn’t until I met one of my girlfriends who was a sex worker and piercing artist. She knew a lot about anatomy and was more than happy to chat about my vagina after having some kinky sex. I explained my concerns and was glad she didn’t laugh at me. She was the opposite. It was very difficult for her to have a vaginal orgasm but easy to have an orgasm in other ways. Laying it out, she assured me that I needed to think of it all from the perspective that we are all different. What gets us off, how, and how we feel about it will be different from person to person.

She was also one of the first people I met that understood that an orgasm isn’t necessarily the end all be all of sex. In fact, she was one of only three lovers I’ve ever had that understood that just because I have an orgasm doesn’t mean that sex was fulfilling.

Easily Orgasmic =/= Fulfilling Sex

Thats right.
Just because I have an orgasm DOES NOT mean that sex was fulfilling. 

I explain it this way. I can cum on my own. Being with a partner, for me, is way more than getting off. Its connection, play, and kink. Even if the sex is casual, it still meets those needs I have beyond climax.
Once I understood this, that sex was more than orgasm, I not only was able to voice my needs better and have better sex, I was also better able to listen to and seek out the needs of my sexual partners.

Orgasms and Toy Reviews

Another issues that has come up for me and my quick and easy orgasms was reviewing sex toys. When I first started reviewing adult products I read other reviewers to get an idea of what I needed to write.

Thing is, so many reviewers talked about whether the toy was able to get them off. Well damn, if I so much as touched my clit with a vibrator I was soaked. How was I supposed to review toys when they all got me off? What was the standard.

Thinking back to my former girlfriend and her advice, I looked at toys from the perspective of what could different people with different sexual needs get out of this? It made me think harder about how toys were made, ways to use them, what made them tick, and materials used. In the end, my reviewers were better for it.

Easily Orgasmic and Going Forward

I wish someone had told me about sex, orgasms, and other needs being met sooner but, it is what it is. I’m glad I know now and am able to pass it on to others who might need to know.

Smutathon 2019: 12 Hours of Erotica

How much erotic writing could you get done in 12 hours? I’ll be answering this question on Saturday, September 28th, during Smutathon 2019!

Smut for a Cause

Smutathon 2019 - National Network of Abortion Funds logo

The 3rd annual Smutathon will be raising money for the National Network of Abortion Funds. This charity not only funds abortions but also in helps reduce all barriers to accessing abortions (travel, childcare, etc).

One thing I really love about this charity is its focus on intersectionality (so many abortion and reproductive rights organizations focus on women). “A comprehensive vision of justice for our communities must involve working towards economic, racial, gender, and reproductive justice.” – From their website.

Join Us!

Consider donating to the NNAF to help provide needed reproductive health care. Smutathon has an ambitious $5k target. To donate you can choose an amount or type in a custom one.
NNAF is offering a transparent report on where their funds go, btw. “A copy of our latest financial report may be obtained by emailing info@actblue.com or calling (617) 517-7600.” This is great if, like me, you’re anxious about donating to a larger charity organization.

Check out their Get Involved page to find ways to join in by writing for Smutathon 2019 locally (Montreal, CA) or remotely like me.

I’m Nervous, in a good way

If you recall, I tried writing in a smut marathon this year but fell off that goal when life got in the way. Since this event is 1 day only (12 hours actually) I’m feeling more comfortable it.

My hope is I can wrap up some kinky stories I’ve had on the back burner and get them out into your hot little hands soon. I’m talking polyamorous steampunks, geeky billionaire kinksters, and lesbian gamer girls!

Wish me luck, join in the fun, and send motivation cheerleading here in the comments or on twitter!

Sex After Marriage and Kids

I recently celebrated my 9th anniversary! Ironically, after a day of intimacy and night of intense sex, I saw not one but two loud posts on social media expressing some negative opinions about sex after marriage and kids. While I could just laugh it off and move on, I wanted to express my own thoughts on the matter, from experience.

In 2010, I was 21 years old and newly married. Since losing my virginity 2 years prior, I was still learning about my own sexuality. In mainstream media (and apparently social media) this would have been the coffin nail in my sex life (unless I decided to divorce later or have a torrid affair). SorryNotSorry to disappoint.

In the last 9 years I have crossed quite a lot off my sexual bucket list. I have had threesomes, sex in semi-public, been whipped and whipped others, been fisted, had 5 girlfriends, and more orgasms than I can count. Oh, and I’m not done yet.

But What About the Children!

One of the tweets I saw post anniversary shenanigans was someone sharing that a friend of hers was “concerned” about her kids because she had a wild sex life. Y’all, the kids in question here sleep in their own rooms and the couple having wild sex are not pedophiles nor or are they exhibiting their sex lives in full view of their children.

I have a child. In fact, I’m a stay-at-home-mom and house wife. My husband and I keep our sex confined either to kiddo’s sleeping hours or when he is being cared for by another trusted adult. Our sex life has merely moved to a different schedule but is no less intense or exciting.

In fact, I think its good for our kid to see that his parents are intimate in non sexual ways. Damon snuggles me openly and often, we kiss frequently, hold hands, etc. I thank our healthy and active sex life for this in part.

Aren’t You a Lil Old to Be Fucking Like Rabbits?

I think a lot of the “marriage kills sex” cliches out there are paired with the concept that marriage, especially between cis-gendered people of the opposite sex, is for old people or makes them old. I’m 30 and I don’t care to tell people that. Damon is a few years older than me. Ironically, we both frequently experience people thinking we are younger than that.

Sure, we have to navigate our sex lives around not only schedules but my bad hip and his shot knees but neither of these issues pertains to our age. Lots of people over the age of twenty have wild sex and health and schedules are not only things older people have to think about.

We Are Not Alone

Not only were several married friends rolling their eyes at the tweets about lack of sex after marriage and kids, but most of the kinkiest people I’ve ever met in my life have been older, married parents.

The first polyamorous people I ever met were an older married couple that Damon used to play with. My ex-girlfriend’s mom was a successful dominatrix. My brother-in-law’s mom is a pro Domme and has been his whole life (while also balancing that with being a stay-at-home-mom). Lots of cam girls and sex workers I know have a kid or two.

My point – getting married and having kids does not mean you are no longer sexually active or kinky!

Tell Me More!

I would LOVE to see more articles, stories, erotica, romances focusing on married people and parents. Comment below if you have an erotic story or article that focuses on these groups. Sex after marriage and kids doesn’t have to be boring or nonexistent, loves!

Ice Cream Lover Review

I grabbed Ice Cream Lover on a whim after seeing its release posts on twitter. It looked cute and I’m a fan of ice cream and erotica so, why not? I am so glad I did! If all you get out of this Ice Cream Lover review is that I loved it and you should read it, I’ll consider my work done (there’s your little spoon for tasting).

Disclaimer: Links used may contain an affiliate code. This means if you purchase the book through this link, I receive a small commission at no additional cost to you. This money helps me keep SmutGeek going. Thank you.

Ice Cream Lover Review - book cover featuring male east-Asian model with shirt open and muscular chest and abs.

Book Summary

I hate ice cream. Ever since my fiancée left me at the altar and skewered me in her bestseller “Embrace Your Inner Ice Cream Sandwich: Finding the Positive You in a World of Negativity,” I haven’t been able to stomach the stuff.
Unfortunately, my five-year-old niece is a budding foodie and her favorite place in the world is Ginger Scoops, a cutesy Asian ice cream shop. Since I’ve been looking after my niece a lot lately, I’ve spent too much time there, sipping black coffee, refusing to eat ice cream, and trying not to look at the owner, Chloe Jenkins. Chloe is obnoxiously cheerful, and I can’t stand her.
Naturally, I end up kissing her.
But I’ve sworn off women after the fiasco with my ex-fiancée, and I’m convinced I’m no good at relationships. Still, with Chloe I’m tempted to do the impossible: give love and ice cream another chance…

Ice Cream Lover is the second (stand alone) romance novel in the Baldwin Village book series by Jackie Lau. It is sweet and erotic contemporary romance with a good dose of comedy. The main characters include grumpy cinnamon roll Drew (the narrator of the book’s teaser) and bisexual Chloe who struggles with being mixed race.

The Author

Jackie Lau decided she wanted to be a writer when she was in grade two, sometime between writing “The Heart That Got Lost” and “The Land of Shapes.” She later studied engineering and worked as a geophysicist before turning to writing romance novels. Jackie lives in Toronto with her husband, and despite living in Canada her whole life, she hates winter. When she’s not writing, she enjoys gelato, gourmet donuts, cooking, hiking, and reading on the balcony when it’s raining.

I love that Jackie is an own-voices author and you can really feel her love for her books and characters when you read her Tweets and in her books.

Why I Love This Book

While I love quirky, foodie, erotic romance, I have to admit the thing that made me fall in love with this book is the main character Chloe hooking up with Drew.
As a bisexual cis-gendered woman married to a cis-gendered man, I struggle with my sexual identity. Seeing a character that is bi and enters a committed relationship with someone of the opposite sex, it was heartwarming.
So often bi women in erotica who “become lesbians” or who fool around before going back to their hetero partners and read as non-committal or riding a fence.
It was just really nice to see someone who is somewhat like me. That Chloe’s choosing to enter into this relationship with Drew does not make her less of a bisexual or turn her heterosexual.

Foodie romances are awesome. I love the cozy conversations about flavors of ice cream, meals and desserts shared, and how the whole story revolves around sharing and conversation. It was so relaxing to read and, I admit, it made me grab ice cream and check out some new flavors (and crave some old favorites).

[Ice Cream Lover Review Spoiler alert] I also really liked Drew’s background issues. I have once been that self-help reader who poured over books/movies like Eat, Pray, Love or Under the Tuscan Sun.
Reading Ice Cream Lover and watching the way Drew struggled with being “that guy” who’s failed relationship was smeared all over a book and mainstream media – who was written as a horrible person rather than someone entirely human with good qualities as well as flaws – I thought back to some of the books I’ve read.
Those men talked about in self help books and biographies/memoirs – they were human. We only get to hear one side of their story. Looking back at my own failed relationships I’d certainly hate it if that was poured out on the best seller list and I was made to be some monsterous ex.
It was a very unique take on a character and I thoroughly enjoyed it!

What I Didn’t Love About the Book

It made me spend too much on ice cream…worth it. But no, seriously, if you’re gonna read this book, have a favorite on hand.

Grab Your Copy

If you enjoyed my Ice Cream Lover Review, be sure to grab your copy and a pint of favorite ice cream.
Comment below what you thought of it and your favorite ice cream flavor!
For more erotic romance reviews, click here.