Add More Lube

When in Doubt, Add More Lube! There are no rules as to the amount of lube you can or should use but, you really can’t use too much lube. I’ve even seen adult lube wrestling (it’s really fun, you should check it out if there are any matches in your area).

Whether it’s sticky, slick, warming, cooling, or strawberry flavored, lube should be everyone’s best friend. It is definitely the most versatile and beneficial tool in the sex toy box. Not only can lube be fun it also helps us to have safer, more comfortable sex.
Masturbating, having the most vanilla sex ever, or are experimenting with contortionist positions – lube it up!

Check out my full article, Why Everyone Needs Lube, over at Spices of Lust. While You’re there also check out 6 Best Lubes for 2020 to get some ideas.

Add More Lube
“I’ll Bring The Lube Hun”

My favorite lube? It all depends on the play but the one I reach for most is Good Clean Love – check out my review here.

A Blessed Valentines Day

I know a lot of people dislike Valentines Day because of things like consumerism or connection to a saint and Catholicism that they don’t relate to. Others switch the day up with Pagan holy days like the Roman Lupercalia or the modern Heathen’s Vali’s Blot. I enjoy this day as a time to give praise to the Deities of Love and Sex like Freya, Frigga, Aphrodite, Dionysos, and others.

Its a time to look to the skies and remind ourselves why we were made, our connection to others and to the macrocosm (a time to astrologically check in to Venus and Mercury and Mars), and to dive deep into our capacity to love and where its directed.

For Valentines Day this year I made a meal for the two people I love most – my son and my husband. My son’s I kept simple – his favorite healthy snacks rather than trying to get a young one to sit down to a full meal he has no interest in. I followed that up with chocolates, fruit, and a favorite movie (Mary and the Witch’s Flower).

My husband and I enjoyed venison stew (heirloom recipe thanks to Galina Krasskova and her adopted mother) with rosemary garlic bread, aphrodisiac truffles (recipe available for free here), and chocolate covered strawberries.

Cooking is my love language. When I make food and see my loved ones enjoy it…well I cant imagine a better heart warming sensation (its akin to how I felt when I breastfed my son).

The next day we enjoyed a relaxing holiday aftermath with order in pizza, discount boxes of candy, and family movies. The love is still there, days later. The holiday isn’t for short term love but like any holy day, a time to set aside and remind ourselves to take a moment for love and give praise to each other and the Gods for this feeling and all that comes with it.

I am grateful that such a day not only exists but is internationally acknowledged even if not everyone believes or appreciates it. I don’t need their validation but its nice to have so much available and accessible including energetically.

Spring Lubrication

After some sex magic and ritual work last night for the Venus Lilith Conjunction Full Moon, I woke up feeling sore but energized with focus. I hope you did too, darling.

Its raining today – an undulation between a drizzle and a downpour, flooding the yard with pools. Going out, it felt like spring despite what the calendar said (I don’t know if its because of global warming or just south-eastern USA climate or both). It felt like spring rain and it got me to thinking about spring.

I danced in the rain a little, swaying my hips in a figure 8 to loosen those joints that are the epicenter of most of my chronic pain. The rain made rattle rhythm on the roof, doves in the cherry tree and crows in the beech added their cacophony, and the splashing all around me was good dance music.

Spring is lubrication season. Its the time when warmth stirs and the sap rises in nature. Earths deep ache begins to grow and She becomes wet in preparation of the hot thrusts of summer that lead to the drenching orgasm of autumn.

How does this relate to our own sexual rhythms? Our dry seasons, our wet seasons. Embrace them. The Earth doesn’t worry about wanting to rest instead of produce orgasmic quivers of wet need. We shouldn’t either. Rest, when you want to. If you want to do more than rest but your body is stuck or dry or constricted and wont loosen with moist readiness – make some choices to help your body out. Drink a relaxing nervine infusion (oat straw and chamomile is a great option), eat an aphrodisiac truffle (recipe here), and grab your favorite lube.

Enjoy the Spring Lubrication

Dance in the rain, take a bath with rain water, tree water (birch if you can get it), express gratitude for the transition from the pillow talk snuggles of winter into the foreplay of the coming season. Do some foreplay with yourself – get yourself good and hot and wet before masturbation or sex (or both).

Whats your favorite lube? Comment below

Venus Lilith Conjunction

Blessed Full Moon! This one is especially powerful and grand as not only is it a Super Moon but also during the conjunction of Venus in Aries and Lilith in Pisces. I’ll share what these amazing energies mean in a moment but know that I’ll end the post with something practical you can do for those of you reading this and going “That’s great and all but what do with this information?” Been there, understand, bear with me.

Venus in Aries

Venus, the Goddess of Love and Sensuality and, yes, Magic is in fiery and aggressive sign of Aries. A great time for lust, being spontaneous (one night stand?), and enjoying yourself (hot baths are a must). Fantastic for Valentines Day/Lupercalia!

Lilith in Pisces

Lilith, aka the Dark Moon, in Pisces is all about intuition, integrating the shadow self, and not hiding your psychic abilities behind a mask of normalcy. Dive deep into the dark waters of the soul complex, don’t turn away from the skeletons lurking there but move forward to find the real treasure. Don’t give a fuck about what anyone else says about this self exploration – you don’t need their input right now.

Venus and Lilith

Independent, sexual, and soul-full Goddesses coming together in partnership. I like to imagine Venus in her spicy Aries, going out and taking no prisoners, outfit complete with the perfect wingtip eyeliner and rose-gold highlights – Lilith in psychic chic with culottes and piercings, her black hair side shaved and the rest braided in a long rope to bind the unwary and her manicure razor sharp.

In the light of the Full Super Moon in Leo – bring all those manifestations and desires and goals and dreams into the light. Show them to the Goddesses like counting beads or presenting jewels or laying out clothes to decide what to wear for a night on the town. Let them see and help you cut through the bullshit and focus on the steps to take.

Whether you see them as besties, sisters, or lovers tonight – these Goddesses demand an honoring of the femme, of independence, of empowerment, of activism with a heavy dose of self-work and growth and doing it with flare.

Now is a good time for femme activism. Think WITCH.

Make a Venus Lilith Conjunction Talisman

On a piece of paper, draw the sigils for Venus and Lilith. You can do this however you like or that looks aesthetically pleasing to you. I will be painting Venus in Inca gold and Lilith in black with acrylic paints that I have on hand.

Venus Lilith Conjunction

Wrap this paper around a piece of onyx, garnet, or hematite for Lilith and a piece of copper, rose quartz, or emerald for Venus. This can also be a piece of jewelry containing these stones/minerals.

Add to the stones some dried red rose petals and mugwort. You can also burn these herbs and bath the stones in the smoke OR make an infusion of the herbs and spritz the stones and yourself with them (or add them to a bath before your working or all of the above and more depending on how elaborate you want to make the working).

Invoke Venus and Lilith. You can use whatever invocations you like. I am personally a fan of the Orphic Hymn to Venus and inspired by this ritual to Lilith for my invocations.

Wrap the stones and herbs in the bundle and leave it so that it is present before the Full Moon. (If you have bad weather, settle for in front of a window.)

FAQ

I don’t have those stones or minerals or herbs! What do I do? – Draw the sigil on paper, clay, whatever object you can keep (this type of sigil won’t keep as long but still usable in future workings). Paint it on a jar and fill with distilled or spring water and set out in the moon light. Paint it on yourself and embody those energies.

I don’t honor Venus or Lilith specifically in my practice – can I still do this? Sure. If you would like, call upon the Gods and spirits you do honor and ask them who would like to be called upon for this working such as Freya, Gullveig, Inanna, Hekate, Baphomet, and the list goes on. What femme deity with a dark side that works with love, lust, magic, etc do you connect with?

What do I do with the talisman tomorrow/in the future? Use it like a battery filled with the charge of the Venus Lilith Conjunction. Add it to activism spells, lust and glamor spells, spells and ritual for independence and empowerment, etc. If it needs a splash of strong femme energy of this nature, use it.

The Right to Journal, and other things

Today is the last journal prompt post for the series. Up to this point we’ve been largely thinking about ourselves or how others relate to us. Today we’re gonna stretch things out a little in our head and think more about others (and yea, ourselves since journaling is wonderfully selfish and subjective art form).

A reminder that these prompts are just for you and there’s no right or wrong answer for your journal. Just think and write what you like. Take care of yourself as some of these questions can be hard for processing.

Prompt: What are Your Beliefs Regarding Basic Human Rights?

  • What do you believe we all as humans have the right to?
  • In the US, many pride themselves on a constitution that claims all men have inalienable rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Do you believe this to be true of all mankind?
  • Today so many are arguing what our basic human rights are whether it is the right to clean water to the right to access an education. Why do you think its so hard for people to get together on this topic?
  • Then there are artists and writers like Shakti Gawain and Elizabeth Gilbert claim that we have the right to creativity, to be channels to inspiration and ideas. What are your thoughts about rights beyond basic needs of food, water, health, and shelter.
  • Are there rights or privileges of those born under circumstances such as particular race, culture, financial standing, ability, citizenship, sexuality, gender, religion, etc?
  • What is a way that you can participate in making sure we all have ways to act on and access to these rights?

Journaling, Work, and Money

Getting into those base chakra, basic needs topics today but also some self esteem, self image, and power prompts. We in the US especially tend to have a toxic relationship with work and money so getting right in our heads/on paper about how we view the green and gold can help us in our interactions with it.

Prompt: What is Your Relationship With Money?

  • Do you feel a part of a specified money class (upper, middle, lower)?
  • What was/is your family’s relationship to money?
  • What has been your family’s reaction when a relative comes into money or raises themselves up financially?
  • What has been your family’s reaction when someone is in need or asks for money?
  • Is Money the “root of all evil” or is it “just energy exchanged?”
  • What are your thoughts on barter and trade?
  • Do you believe in saving for a rainy day?
  • Do you believe in or desire to have an Emergency Fund?
  • How do you feel about paying taxes?
  • How do you feel about Tithing (giving a percentage to a church, religious organization)?
  • How do you feel about giving money to charity?
  • Do you give money to the homeless? How do you feel about homeless who pan-handle?
  • Do you prefer to purchase items or pay for experiences or are they equal to you?
  • What is your favorite thing/experience you’ve ever spent money on?

Prompt: What Do You Do?

  • When strangers ask what do you do, how do you respond?
  • Are you confident or passionate about your response? Do you feel self-conscious and unsure?
  • What is the usual response to your answer?
  • Do you follow your passions? Do you spend the majority of your time doing something you love?
  • Do you enjoy your job?
  • Is it your desired career?
  • When you were a kid, what did you want to do when you grew up?
  • When you were a teen, what did you want to do?
  • Are you doing any of those things now?
  • What would Younger You think about yourself today?
  • Is it better to earn $10 million through work or to win $10 million in the lottery? Why?
  • How do you feel about current hourly wages?
  • Is it fair pay for fair work or spending hours of your life to pay for other hours that you cannot enjoy?
  • What are your thoughts regarding sex work and sex workers?
  • What are your thoughts about stay at home partners/homemakers while another partner works?

Sex Love and Journaling

What is Love? (Baby don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me, no more… #sorryNotsorry) Today’s prompts are all about love, sex, and sensuality. Did you think journaling was just gonna be this mental jog through paper? We are whole human beings and the way to really get into and get a lot out of journaling is to do it holistically – whole body including your heart and genitals.

Prompt 4: What is Love?

  • Have you ever been in love?
  • For my Aro peeps, dig into how being aromantic effects your relationships in a world that is very love, sex, and romance focused. I know this can be hard to make sure you’re going at your own pace.
  • Do you believe in Love or is it merely a chemical reaction in our primal brain to encourage procreation and the survival of the species?
  • Is there only one person out there for you such as a Soul Mate or Twin Flame?
  • If you believe in it, have you found your Soul Mate? How do you know?
  • Are there omens or signs you believe can guides you to “the one”?
  • Do you believe non-monogamy can work?
  • Is romantic love tied to sexuality for you?
  • Can you love someone without having sex or have sex without loving someone? (This prompt is for you personally since we know that this is of course possible)
  • How do you feel about jealousy? Unnecessary or a natural part of a relationship?
  • Is it ethical to cast love spells?
  • Do you believe in astrological or numerological compatibility?
  • Have you ever had your astrology chart compared to someone else’s to find out if you are compatible? Would it change how you felt about someone if you did?

Prompt 5: Lets Talk About Sex

  • What is sex worth to you? Do you value it?
  • How do you view Consent?
  • What do you think of when presented with the term Healthy Sex?
  • What are your Hard limits and why are they limits?
  • What do you most enjoy?
  • Write out your most explicit sexual fantasy.
  • Do you feel shame about sex?
  • Most of these prompts are for people who are sexual. If you are Asexual, feel free to spend some time exploring how you feel about your sexuality in a sexualized world. Do you think that the world around you portrays sex in healthy ways?
  • Have you looked at your genitalia? How does its appearance make you feel? (feel free to skip any prompt that makes you uncomfortable – this is for you, no right way to journal, remember)

For Kink and BDSM themed Sex Love and Journaling Check Out:

Submissive Guide not only shares why having a journal is so damn important but also has a 31 Day journaling challenge with prompts.
Dom Sub Living has a free printable submissives journal in case you don’t already have a blank book and want something for your kinky, sub side.

Can Journaling Change You?

How can sincere introspection and consideration do anything but change you?
Whole philosophies, religions, and ways of life have been formed from such introspection and the writing from it.

Now, I’m not asking you to become a guru from writing your thoughts. Instead, all that is asked is that you take these prompts as they are and actually sit and think about them. Feeling stumped? There are further questions and suggestions with each prompt given to help brainstorm sentences to write. Be honest with yourself, be creative if you like. All you need to do is write and give it time and reflection. No one else needs to see what you’ve written so do not let fear or worry hold you back.

Think on it. Write it. And, if you need to, hide it, burn it, bury it.

Prompt 2: What Do You Believe?

Get serious here. Don’t just write a sentence or two as if you were creating a blurb for your online dating profile. Dig into your beliefs and excavate them like jewels.

  • Do you believe in a God or Gods?
  • What experiences have you had that have shaped this belief or lack of?
  • If you believe, is Deity active or inactive in your life and in the in the lives of others?
  • Is the Divine omnipotent or does He/She/It/Them have limited power?
  • How do you think the Divine feels about violence/illness/pain in the world we live in?
  • If you believe, how do you communicate with God/s? Do you pray? How?
  • Do you believe in magick?
  • Do you believe in or use forms of divination such as tarot or scrying?
  • What ethical guidelines create the boundaries of your life and belief system?
  • Where did these come from and why do you adhere to those boundaries?
  • Do you believe in an Afterlife? What happens when we die?
  • Does your belief in an afterlife affect what you do or don’t do in this life daily?
  • Have you ever had any experiences that affect this belief such as seeing a ghost or experienced a past life regression?
  • How have your beliefs changed since you were young?
  • How has your belief changed you?
  • How does it affect others around you?
  • Do you see any growth from your beliefs?
  • How do you see it changing you or others in the years ahead?

Prompt 3: Are You Destined?

Do you believe in Destiny? Yea I know this is another belief question but I thought it deserved its own section.

  • Is your path in this life already written?
  • Did you choose this path (in this life? in a previous life? before you were born?) or did a Higher Power?
  • Do you have a Purpose? What is it? How did you find out?
  • Are you searching for a Purpose?
  • What are some ways you intend to find it (ideas include getting a divination reading, shamanic journeying, experimenting, asking the Divine, etc)?
  • Can Free Will and Destiny co-exist?
  • What happens if we choose not to fulfill our destiny?
  • What about horrors in life (abuse, violence, illness, etc) – do they have a purpose?
  • Are we as a species destined to suffer pains? For what purpose?
  • Do the actions of our Ancestors directly effect our life path/Destiny/purpose?

Enough with the deep and heavy shit? Keep going. Don’t forget this is part of a series and there is more. Click here to get the first post and a list of the series links.

Journal Writing: Defile the Page

I am a journal addict.
I was an addict long before I received the prescription for writing in a journal. I loved the pretty books, big and small, leather and paper and plastic all with pristine blank pages. It felt holy to hold these books in their blankness. I collected them on shelves and would pull them out, look at the blank page, breathe in deep the possibilities for what would go on them, and then shut them and put them back on the shelf. That’s it.

Journal Writing

Why on earth would anyone collect blank books!? Thing is, I didn’t want them to stay blank but I was scared. I didn’t want to tarnish them with an unworthy thought. Even if no one else read them, I felt my writing was messy, silly, inadequate. I had no idea what to write on them.
When I finally started using these journals, it was always difficult to tarnish that first page. Once I did, with whatever drivel I deigned to put on it (usually my name and the year I began writing in that book, perhaps a quote I liked at the time) I was free. I no longer felt ill at the idea of putting pen to paper. I’d already sinned against the cleanness of the blank page and nothing I could do would make that book blank again – even tearing that page out would leave a mark. So what could I do but keep writing and worry about dirtying another book when the time came.

I encourage you to do the same. Buy a book that inspires you – it can be beautiful, cool, hold quotes of favorite leaders or authors, or just be a picture of a cat on the cover of a sheaf of paper. I love leatherbound books for their witchy appeal. I also love gilded edged paper and hard covers. However, that all being said, some of my best journaling where I really dug deep and gave my all, was in cheap spiral notebooks I bought at back-to-school sales at the local superstore. So don’t worry about getting the best journal or defiling that first blank page. The most important thing is the writing itself. (At the time of this writing my journaling is spread between a spiral bound book, a blank book with a hard cover embossed with the word IDEAS, and the computer.)

Some of you might be asking – what about just keeping a journal on a computer and typing it. If that is all you can do – go for it (especially if a disability or chronic pain keeps you from writing, of course!) That said, there is something magickal about the written word. Whether you believe in automatic writing (wherein a spirit takes over your hand and writes messages through you) or kinetic inspiration – the physical act can produce enchantment on the page. It turns your journal into a talisman. Another thing writing does is draws things into being. Many manifesting masters I know insist that affirmations and goals be physically written with pen and paper. This is like pulling a fishing line in, dragging it to lure in the desired goal.
There is also something permanent and created about writing with pen and paper. When typing or even when writing with pencil, the words can be changed or deleted. There is no commitment when things can be erased and without commitment there is a tendency for manifestation and change to fail.

So grab a book, a bunch of paper, or open a blank document on your screen and get to writing. Stop being scared and stop collecting blank books without filling them with your juicy bullshit – write!

Prompt 1: How You Feeling?

How Do You Feel Right Now?
Not only is this prompt a way to check in with yourself, it is a reminder to live in the moment. So much of the time we are in our heads, thinking of what has happened or what we have to do or what could happen, or daydreaming about completely fictional topics unrelated to our lives, or “zoned out.”
This is also a great prompt for people who are Highly Sensitive or Empaths who are unsure if what they are feeling is from them or those around them. Check in on why you feel the way that you do. Are you Acting on your own beliefs, dreams, convictions or are you Reacting to the actions, words, or emotions of others.

  • How do you feel in your own skin?
  • Are you comfortable or happy with how you look?
  • Are you comfortable with your physical health?
  • What would you change if you could?
  • How do you feel with phrases like:
    “Keeping up Appearances”
    “Appearances can be Deceiving”
    “Appearance isn’t everything”
  • How is your breathing?
  • How is your posture?
  • Are you relaxed or tense?
  • What, if anything, is causing you physical distress?
  • How do you feel about where you are physically?
  • Does it smell nice where you are?
  • Can you lay eyes on things that uplift or inspire or turn you on?

Write

Journal Keeping Series

This blog post is part of a series on journaling. You can see the first post and get links to the other posts by clicking here.

The Sacred, Sensual Act of Journal Keeping

Oh my magical, sexy readers, lets talk journaling. Before I get into it, yes this is gonna be all kinds of woo woo but know that I also plan to throw in some practical, sexy tips in this blog series as well. This is for all you who are collecting journals but afraid to use them, who have no idea what to write about but have the itch to pick up a pen, and who love journal keeping and want to go deeper.

Journaling has been accredited many amazing benefits ranging from stress reduction and strengthening IQ to achieving major life goals and attaining spiritual awareness. I can personally say that journaling does 2 things for sure:

Perspective

Journaling can cause you to take a hard look at your life. When we put our daily lives, thoughts, and ideas on paper and look at it, we gain new perspective. This isn’t just the perspective of becoming an outsider looking in and pointing out what went right and what went wrong like a critic at a play. This is the perspective of the engineer looking at the schematics and figuring out how to make things better for the whole machine.

Legacy

Journaling can also create a legacy. When we write in a book, we create an heirloom for our future family. They can physically see our lives, our handwriting and doodles, our thoughts and feelings. These things are relatable to all people so long as we as a species have hands to create and souls to inspire. Things that might seem mundane to us might be the cause for smiles, tears, and enjoyment for our great-grandchildren because they can relate.

Purposeful Pages

With both of these results in mind, is it enough to create pages of what we did every day and who we met like unending shopping lists? Would it not be more enriching and enjoyable to take these moments to really dig deep and pour out our deepest hearts and souls and minds and guts (metaphorically) on the pages? 
I know some of you might cringe at the idea – fearful that anyone might read what we only just dare to feel (barely). The fact is, this fear is detrimental to our holistic well-being. 

Rx: Journal

One of the best prescriptions for wellness I ever received was from a friend of mine who had diagnosed me with a throat chakra problem. He pointed out that I was always writing but I also was always terrified of sharing it. Not only that, I was scared of saying much of anything to anyone. I wanted to be liked and I wanted to avoid conflict at all costs – so I didn’t say what I thought, felt, or knew as my truth.

He told me to write it – write it in a journal that no one would ever read. Hide it, burn it, bury it if I had to but write it. This is the first step to seeing what it was that I was really thinking and feeling and finding out if it was worthy for anyone to know. If I didn’t like it once I wrote it, I wouldn’t share it. But if I kept writing it, kept feeling it and knowing it – then I could consider the next steps in sharing these words with others. 

It was simple. It was profound. It saved my life. 

So I share this advice with you. I write you a prescription for health, wealth, love, sex, power, and happiness. Get a journal and a good pen. Mark out a time in your day. Sneak and scour those minutes if you must like a lover in an affair. Curl up and write what is deep within you. Hide it, burn it, bury it if you must, but write it first. Get it out so that you can decide if it is worthy to continue to dwell on. If it is, then you can figure out how to share that with others. But first, you have to write it. 

Journal Keeping Blog Series

Over the next week I will be sharing tips, prompts, and ways to inspire your journaling. We will desecrate pages, pour our juices through the pen, and open up to this silent partner. While I’m all about y’all checking in on the regular, if you want to book mark this page and come back to it, I’ll link the series posts below. Enjoy

Sex, Love, and Journaling

Journaling, Work, and Money

The Right to Journal

Journal Resources

Some witchy, kinky, stationary inspo porn for yall.

Submissive Guide not only shares why having a journal is so damn important but also has a 31 Day journaling challenge with prompts.
Dom Sub Living has a free printable submissives journal in case you don’t already have a blank book and want something for your kinky, sub side.

Bitchslap Journaling: 100 Prompts to Kick Your Spiritual Ass by Gwynne Michele. I fucking love this book. Its worth the few bucks for a refreshing ebook on journaling and self care. Also this is an affiliate link so if you buy it I get a few pennies to help keep my site going at no additional cost to you, thanks.

If you have a Grimoire or Book of Shadows or like to combine some witchy stuff in your journaling, I really like Witch of Lupine Hollow’s 100 Prompts.

I haven’t found a really good journaling as a polytheist/heathen resource yet – let me know if you have one.

I know some of you already have or are going to ask what journal do I use. I have a bunch of them, as I tend to hoard up neat looking notebooks. I can’t recommend any particular type of notebook as it really just depends on my mood and what I’m writing. Go with what is comfortable for you. I like a book I can shove in my purse/tote/backpack along with all my other crap and it won’t get too messed up and is easy to write in. Play around with different styles – lined, sketchbook, dotted, graph, paperback or hard cover, spiral bound, etc. See what you like.
I will say I really love Sakura Pigma Micron 05 pens. Since finding them it almost pains me to use anything else – they just glide and as someone with chronic pain and joint issues its the little things that keep me going. Another affiliate link btw, thank you.