Add More Lube

When in Doubt, Add More Lube! There are no rules as to the amount of lube you can or should use but, you really can’t use too much lube. I’ve even seen adult lube wrestling (it’s really fun, you should check it out if there are any matches in your area).

Whether it’s sticky, slick, warming, cooling, or strawberry flavored, lube should be everyone’s best friend. It is definitely the most versatile and beneficial tool in the sex toy box. Not only can lube be fun it also helps us to have safer, more comfortable sex.
Masturbating, having the most vanilla sex ever, or are experimenting with contortionist positions – lube it up!

Check out my full article, Why Everyone Needs Lube, over at Spices of Lust. While You’re there also check out 6 Best Lubes for 2020 to get some ideas.

Add More Lube
“I’ll Bring The Lube Hun”

My favorite lube? It all depends on the play but the one I reach for most is Good Clean Love – check out my review here.

Sex Love and Journaling

What is Love? (Baby don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me, no more… #sorryNotsorry) Today’s prompts are all about love, sex, and sensuality. Did you think journaling was just gonna be this mental jog through paper? We are whole human beings and the way to really get into and get a lot out of journaling is to do it holistically – whole body including your heart and genitals.

Prompt 4: What is Love?

  • Have you ever been in love?
  • For my Aro peeps, dig into how being aromantic effects your relationships in a world that is very love, sex, and romance focused. I know this can be hard to make sure you’re going at your own pace.
  • Do you believe in Love or is it merely a chemical reaction in our primal brain to encourage procreation and the survival of the species?
  • Is there only one person out there for you such as a Soul Mate or Twin Flame?
  • If you believe in it, have you found your Soul Mate? How do you know?
  • Are there omens or signs you believe can guides you to “the one”?
  • Do you believe non-monogamy can work?
  • Is romantic love tied to sexuality for you?
  • Can you love someone without having sex or have sex without loving someone? (This prompt is for you personally since we know that this is of course possible)
  • How do you feel about jealousy? Unnecessary or a natural part of a relationship?
  • Is it ethical to cast love spells?
  • Do you believe in astrological or numerological compatibility?
  • Have you ever had your astrology chart compared to someone else’s to find out if you are compatible? Would it change how you felt about someone if you did?

Prompt 5: Lets Talk About Sex

  • What is sex worth to you? Do you value it?
  • How do you view Consent?
  • What do you think of when presented with the term Healthy Sex?
  • What are your Hard limits and why are they limits?
  • What do you most enjoy?
  • Write out your most explicit sexual fantasy.
  • Do you feel shame about sex?
  • Most of these prompts are for people who are sexual. If you are Asexual, feel free to spend some time exploring how you feel about your sexuality in a sexualized world. Do you think that the world around you portrays sex in healthy ways?
  • Have you looked at your genitalia? How does its appearance make you feel? (feel free to skip any prompt that makes you uncomfortable – this is for you, no right way to journal, remember)

For Kink and BDSM themed Sex Love and Journaling Check Out:

Submissive Guide not only shares why having a journal is so damn important but also has a 31 Day journaling challenge with prompts.
Dom Sub Living has a free printable submissives journal in case you don’t already have a blank book and want something for your kinky, sub side.

Practical Tips for Beginner Sex Bloggers

So you want to become a sex blogger, eh? Well, it’s as noble a pursuit as any, that’s for certain. Just about every topic has an innumerable amount of blogs meant to discuss it, and with something like sex it was only a matter of time before bloggers started to come out of the woodwork. Of course, just like in any field, its not always about what makes a great sex blogger so much as what sex bloggers are talking about the topics a certain group of readers are looking for (a niche). Sex bloggers have their pick of kinky topics to focus on from sexual health to sexual fantasies. With so much to choose from, we know it can be overwhelming so we’ve gathered some practical tips for beginner sex bloggers to get you started.

Disclaimer: This is a post written with the lovely Angela of DoctorClimax. I have been paid to share these opinions but that has in no way affected the truthfulness and desire to help others with this information. 
This blog post is written from experiences and not the ONE TRUE WAY of sex blogging. Feel free to do our own thing and seek out advice from many bloggers and writers in the field. We are all learning and growing.

Understand Your Field Of Interest

This is called finding your niche in the writing and blogging world and is probably the biggest piece of advice we could give any of you beginner sex bloggers.

Your blog should be used primarily to inform and discuss topics relating to sex, but within the topic of sex there are tons of subtopics. There’s nothing wrong with having a general sex blog that isn’t too specialized, but even then your general sex blog will naturally differ from others out there. Sex is a universal topic but how we discuss sex is unique to our personalities, culture, and our past history. This will naturally come through in our blogs and color how we discuss sex. Because of this, you will draw a certain type of reader.

You should absolutely know what those readers are thinking of and asking about when it comes to creating new content. Giving them what they’re looking for within your field of interest not only keeps writers block at bay but gets returning readers (fans) with ease.

For example: If you focus on BDSM related topics, think about what questions you had when you were starting off and then write to answer said questions from your own experiences. That last part, from your own experiences and philosophies, is the important part – its what will set your blog apart from others out there. Simply look within your focus topics and see what other semi-related content you should push out to accompany it.

A good sex blogger is much like any other good blogger, their content is well rounded and doesn’t have any major holes.

Establish Tone Very Quickly

There are a lot of different viewpoints out there towards sex. If you are going to throw yours into the ring it should be consistent. Quickly figure out how you’re going to cover sex topics and stick to that style.

This means if you start off with a clinical approach, keep it that way. The same goes for if you are going to take a more aloof or casual approach to your topics.

This way, your readers will be able to quickly understand what point of view you have and what to expect from all of your articles. While it might seem good to be all over the place to not exclude anyone, your readers will appreciate being able to go to you for content of a specific type.

Your tone should also come naturally to you. Pretending to be something or someone you are not might be fun in the bedroom but can be exhausting on the regular, even or especially online. Eventually, your persona will slip and this could leave your readers confused and feeling like their trust in your content has been broken. It’s easier and more fun to just be yourself. 

The Technical Side

Choosing and buying your domain name, paying for hosting, and getting your blog set up can feel overwhelming. Thankfully, many pros out there have laid the ground work and there are tutorials all over the place. 

Why not blog for free? This can be difficult for 2 reasons. Many free blog hosting platforms don’t allow for adult content. Some of the ones that do, don’t allow you to monetize that content. Even if you don’t want to monetize and are just doing this for fun, your blog is not secure – changes with the host can cause you to lose all of your content in a blink of an eye with no back up or support because there’s no money involved for them to value your hard work. If you have any inkling you might want to do more than simply keep an online diary of you kink and sex life, you will want to look into buying a domain and hosting.

To start out, choosing a website or blog name can be super fun or super daunting. Daire Faust chose her site name early on on a whim that worked out very well for her. Choose something that matches your niche and tone. Following the aforementioned BDSM example, you can choose something with a kinky phrase or bondage term in the title to make readers aware of what the site is about immediately. 

Other bloggers choose to go with their pen name which can also allow them to change niches later on if they feel called to do so.

When it comes to hosting, be sure to check in with the host and respite the internet benefiting from sex and sex workers, it makes it hard for anyone affiliated with pleasure. Many hosting companies, including some of the big names with coveted discounts, do not allow adult content or their users to make money off of adult content. If you can’t find any policies regarding adult content in their Terms of Service (ToS), email the provider and double check before purchasing.

Lastly, choose a website builder that you are comfortable posting on and working with. Even if you decide to go with a website developer and designer to do the groundwork for you, you will want something you can easily post regularly on, add advertisements to, and can navigate without frustration. Again, we are blessed in that there are plenty of tutorials for nearly every platform available online today.

A final tip – hosting, domains, and other website and blogging services are often available at a fabulous discount during the holiday season, especially Black Friday and Cyber Monday. Be on the look out for what hosting and platform you want to use and see if they have any coupons, discount codes, or sales coming up before you purchase. Also check in with your favorite sex blogger friends or the people you follow to see if they can give you the hook up on a deal with what service providers they use (usually a win-win situation for everyone). 

Figure Out How You Will Monetize Your Time

Some people blog entirely for the sheer thrill of it, while others prefer to at least make enough money to cover their domain and hosting fees. If you are dedicating significant amounts of time to maintaining your blog, it would be a prudent choice to figure out how to make your time pay for itself.

There are many different ways to do this even for beginner sex bloggers, whether it be through affiliate marketing, sidebar ads, or allowing for sponsored content to be posted on your site. It doesn’t matter which one you pick or even if you engage in all of them, but you should be cognizant of how you intend to turn your blog into a source of income if that is an eventual goal of yours.

Doctor Climax logo - nurse holding a dildo

Angela Watson who blogs alongside her husband over at focuses on affiliate marketing. “The best way we’ve found to monetize our sex blog has been signing-up for various sex toy affiliate programs. These affiliate programs offer anywhere between 4%-30%+ for referring sales. This way, whenever you mention a product on your website, you can link to the product via an affiliate tracking link. If someone ends up purchasing the toy, you will be compensated for referring that user. This has been the best way we’ve found to monetize our traffic. We get paid for recommending products that we’d recommend regardless of whether we were compensated.”

Daire also uses affiliate marketing but makes the bulk of her income through freelance writing. “My website/blog allows for companies I want to write for to see my work in action. It also is a hub for my readers to see what information I’m sharing across social media and other platforms – a source of advertisement for those other sites. It helps sell my service as a writer and so I’m paid not only for my experience, my work writing, but also for access to you, my fabulous readers.”

As with any content, look at your niche. If you are a creative type, consider writing erotic fiction and selling it on your site. If you are into it and discuss porn on your site, consider making some of your own. 

Other methods of monetization include creating a Patreon or membership site for exclusive content and bundling blog content, editing it, and create an ebook for sale.

Have A Plan To Expand

When you first start blogging it can be pretty intimidating. You have this empty website just begging to be populated with quality content, but you’ve barely just finished your about page. 

Over time, you’ll start having distinct categories within your site and lots going on to keep people entertained. Of course, there’s always more work to be done in the world of online blogging. 

You should have a plan to expand your social media presence, work with other websites, and in general increase your online reputation. As you show up on more and more websites providing valuable content, things like links to your website will begin flowing in like crazy which will only help bring more people to your blog at the end of the day.

To help you prepare for this, consider the following:

  • Track your traffic through Google Analytics
  • Budget for getting the next tier of hosting in case you write a viral blog post that suddenly floods your site and, heaven forbid, crashes it. 
  • Back up your content regularly…in case of crash
  • Keep your internet hygiene and safety in mine – this means making sure your website is secure, there’s no spam making its way into your comments, your content is up to date, and your links are updated (not broken).
  • Network – be kind to fellow bloggers whether they are experts with years of experience or beginner sex bloggers like you. Comment on their blog posts (hint, hint), and learn from their experiences. 
  • Keep an open mind about content and monetization – some of the best opportunities are the ones that come out of left field so keep checking your emails and comments out. 
  • Invest in learning opportunities, experiences, and website/content developement when you can. 
  • Remember that you are always learning – once you have content consistency, unique voice, and an idea for monetization, start looking into topics like SEO, collaborations, etc. 
Beginner Sex Blogger

In Conclusion

To be frank, being a sex blogger isn’t necessarily all that different from being any other kind of blogger. Its a lot of fun – its about sex, its supposed to be fun! Just remember to be consistent in releasing content and to be yourself when writing it.

Best of luck to you if you do decide to take the plunge and create your very own sex blog!

Micropenis – Size Doesn’t Matter and Neither Do Penises

I was recently quoted in an Ask Men article about micropenises. You can check out the article to learn what a micropenis has, how many people in the US alone have them, and how someone with a micropenis can still have a fulfilling and enjoyable sex life.

What I wanted to discuss as a sort of follow up to this article is the topic I was more than happy to be quoted on:

“I have been in BDSM relationships with people with a micropenis, but alternative lifestyle or not, it is important to remember that sex is not defined solely by the penis penetrating an orifice,” says Faust. “Pleasure and orgasm can be had in so many other ways. Anyone who takes the time to learn these ways (what turns them on and gets them off, as well as taking the time to learn what their partner enjoys) puts them way ahead of the average person having sex. Remembering this and being open to playing with and experimenting with what gives pleasure gives hard truth to the saying that size doesn’t matter.”

When I tell people size really doesn’t matter to me, I’ve received some very negative feedback. Often its a simple eye roll and sarcastic remark. Other times I’ve been called a liar by complete strangers and then submitted to a rant about women who claim to not care but then laugh when a guy drops his pants.

I’m not saying size doesn’t matter to anyone at all. There are plenty of Size Queens and Kings out there who prefer a large penis. However, the argument and conversation around penis size is so bizarre to me as a bisexual woman.

Here’s the deal. I have been on the receiving end of some amazing sex with people who had no penis at all. I think men especially tend to forget that many people receive pleasure and are able to give pleasure without any penis involvement much less a huge one.

The conversation about penis and penis size also tends to be very man-focused. Articles and posts about micropenises or otherwise often leave out the population of people with penises who are not men.

I bring all of this up because I truly believe if men, and the people writing about men’s penises, would open the conversation up to people in the LGBTQ+ community they would learn a whole new and amazing perspective about sex and penises in general. Communication is an amazing thing. It can bolster a sense of self through new perspectives. I think in this instance especially, men worried about their penis size could certainly learn that truly size isn’t everything.

Public Kink is NOT Consent Culture

Controversial, maybe. The fact is, if you are participating in public kink then you are crossing a line in consent culture. This conversation came up at the end of May on Twitter and I am very grateful for it as well as for the people that participated whether in comments or subtweets.

I did a full Twitter thread on this topic but, with comment conversations and more, it quickly became a many headed hydra I couldn’t quite keep in light and easily readable. I figured the best way to do that would be to created a blog post for this topic. If you want to read the original tweet threat and comments, click here.

I ask that you reserve judgement until the end. I know its a long blog post but that is because this is a topic that isn’t easily approached and set aside. I promise that even peeps I didn’t agree with at the beginning I was happy to come to at least one agreement with and that was pretty damn cool.

Kink, Pride, and Inflammatory Statements

The whole conversation started when I saw a couple of posts about how some Pride events are labeling themselves as “Family Friendly” and have, because of this new label, asked attendees not to wear fetish gear including or specifically Pup hoods.

If you do not know about the history of Pride, LGBTQ+ and Kink, you really ought to do some research. These are blended territories with deep roots. With this in mind, I completely understand why there is uproar, even if I don’t agree with it.

My issue with some of the commentary came when I saw people making statements that these actions and rules of certain events were “purity policing” and that Pride is not an event that kids should attend anyways. To be honest, it pissed me off.

I posted:

“Telling people it’s not ok to display their kink publically where there are children is not “purity police” it’s FUCKING CONSENT! If you’re all about kink and bdsm and leather culture you should fucking know that!”

and thus the conversation began…

Pride is for Everyone

Rainbow Pride Flag

Before I get into the more nuanced conversations this post created, I wanted to focus on something that really bothered me about many of the Kink and Pride discussions.

While some people feel like asking people not to wear kinky items is censoring an adult event, I feel that acting like all Pride events should be adult and containing adult activities is gatekeeping.

LGBTQ+ Kids and Families and Adults that want to avoid certain adult activities for whatever reason (including but not limited to PTSD, abuse, and addiction triggers) are valid. They should be honored at Pride events as well and deserve Pride events too.

To say that Pride isn’t for kids or that families should not be there is like saying LGBTQ+ kids don’t exist and, community, you can’t have it both ways. You can’t demand that LGBTQ+ people are born this way, that these kids exist and need to be acknowledged and space held for them and their needs in this world and NOT hold space for them at major, public LGBTQ+ events. That’s not how this shit works.

Fetish vs Nudity

One of the biggest arguments I keep coming across is the comparison of fetish gear to nudity. When I brought up not wearing what I call overt kink gear (I’m talking something that can’t be called a costume, a goth couldn’t accessorize with, or a public collar but something that is obviously for kink play and/or sex) I was asked about how nudity is allowed in certain spaces – like nude bike runs, naturalist events, Mardi Gras, etc.

Firstly, many of these events, like Mardi Gras are openly “adult” labeled. Nothing is mentioned as family friendly or all ages.

Secondly, stating that nudity is sexual is crossing a line that I think most commenters are not really thinking about seriously. The naked human body is not inherently sexual. To better grasp this consider that asexual people can be naked, children can be naked, breast feeding can involve an exposed breast, etc. None of this is sexual. We all have bodies and that does not make them sexual even when exposed.

I bring up this second part because, while kink is not inherently sexual, it is inherently adult. Kink can only be done with consenting adults, otherwise it is abuse. Kink gear is made specifically for adult use.

Kink in Public and Issues of Consent

Wearing and acting out kink in public is part of exhibitionism. Exhibitionism is a kink that requires 2 things – exhibition and a voyeur. The voyeur must be a consenting adult.

When you wear over kink gear and participate in kink action (being led on a leash down the street, paddling, leg humping, open abdl diaper wearing, etc) you are performing an exhibitionist kink. When you force this on people to see who have not consented or children who cannot consent to be voyeurs, that is Non Consent and abuse not healthy kink.

Note that none of the examples I just gave, other than leg humping, is obviously sexual. Kink does not have to involve sex. However, it is still adult activity that requires consent.

Who Can Draw the Line and Where?

“Where is the line drawn and who has the right to draw it?” Is a great question and I can’t say I have the perfect answer but I think it’s still a consent issue. What activities and clothes are ok for public? Who says?

One answer that 2 people gave me was the law of the country. I get where they are coming from as there aren’t any laws that I know of that say what specifically can be worn in public (I’m sure there are some but I don’t know of them).

Laws have 2 issues.

First, just because something is a law doesn’t mean it should be and just because there aren’t laws around a certain topic doesn’t mean there shouldn’t be.

Secondly, there are laws and there are rules. The Pride events that catalyzed this conversation label themselves Family Friendly and set out rules – no fetish gear/no pup hoods. Just like there are no laws saying you can’t have a cell phone out in the theater there are rules stating that and, so everyone can enjoy the event, everyone should follow the rules.

Fear of Censorship

I want to say that I get it – fear of the law or authority stepping in and dictating what you can wear, do, write, say is a real thing. Its not unreasonable to fear this at all. I’ve been there as a woman, sex blogger, writer, and bisexual. The last thing I want is some patriarchal authoritarian cop telling me what can and cant put on my body.

That being said, I’d be horrified if my desire to wear an accessory, even one that I felt defined my self expression in my sexuality, meant that a huge population of what Pride is about couldn’t attend comfortably. Even more so if there were less overt ways of showing that sexuality such as a patch on a leather vest, flagging, or a t-shirt that made a fun statement.

I Saw It and I Was Fine

I hate the whole “I saw a dick/kink activity/sex as a kid and I was fine” argument.

First of all, cool but I don’t know you or how “fine” you actually are/were.

Second, these statements are dangerous as they act like children exposed to certain things are fine and therefore should be exposed and told to dry it up if they do have issues.

Third, to suggest that because one person was unbothered that everyone should be unbothered is outright ignoring that everyone has very different backgrounds and experiences, triggers, health issues, etc.

Do better.

Open Communication and Content Warnings

One thing that most of us agreed on is the concept of Open Communication. This, like Consent, is a very Kink Foundation topic.

This whole thing came up when an event labeled themselves as Faimily Friendly, All Ages and asked attendees to act accordingly.

Another suggestion might be that instead of assuming if an event is not labeled Family Friendly then it is a hedonistic adult orgy. Instead, I think Content Warning type language should be used on posters, site pages, flyers, etc.

When hosting an event that has adult activities consider letting people know before hand what will be happening. Think of it like Content Warnings in threads. CW: drinking, kink, etc
Open Communication to allow for Informed Decision Making is very Kinky in the best way.

Special Thanks

Thank you to everyone who was part of this conversation. Special Thanks to The Big Bad Wolf, DomSigns, C Pells, Nobilis, and Switchy who participated, had strong opinions, and were polite and understanding. You all rock my socks.

May Day

It’s the First of May! Not only is this day traditionally celebrated as a date connected to fairies, magic, and spring celebration but it is also the start of Masturbation Month and the 31 Day SexGeek Challenge! I have a feeling May is gonna be a great month!

How to get started celebrating!

Read my article on The Big Fling about the history of Masturbation Month and why and how you should celebrate!

Grab a copy of my erotic short story collection, Nerdy Dirty and Curvy, now Free with Kindle Unlimited!

And last but not least join me for 31 Day SexGeek Challenge. Today’s prompt is the last sexy picture you took! Here is mine:

May Day

How Writing Smut Helps My Sex Life

Since I started writing smut and romantic erotica, my sex life has had a major boost. Before becoming a mom, Mr. Faust and I had a very adventurous sex life but all that died down quite a bit once we became parents. When I began reading more erotica, reading it aloud to Mr. Faust, and writing it myself – my libido got a boost, Mr. Faust enjoyed the audio foreplay of me reading my work to him, and I also received the added aid of connecting with like minded kinksters online to inspire us both.

Posy Churchgate wrote: Just read your piece ‘Writing for a better sex life’ – I dont use FB for my Posy persona, so this is the comment I wanted to leave x
~This was a great piece! As a writer of erotic fiction myself (over on my blog) I can attest to it unlocking my libido and also to it enhancing my sex life.
~I was too shy to put some of my desires into words, now my partner has read my stories he knows what goes on in my twisted little mind and can act on that if he chooses. Win, win!

Writing Smut for a Better Sex Life

Enjoy this article I wrote for The Big Fling about how writing smut can help your sex life too!

Lively Coral Sex Toys: Kink and the Pantone Color of the Year

I’m a bit of a nerd. One of the first things I LOVE to look at every January is the Pantone Color of the Year and think about all the things in my life that might connect with it whether its clothes, crystals (yea I’m one of those witchy types), and even sex toys. The 2019 Pantone Color of the Year is Lively Coral. I thought I’d share with you all, in honor of this yearly choice, some Lively Coral Sex Toys.

Living Coral, at its most simplified, is a mix of pink and orange. While orange is not the most popular color among sex toys, pink certainly is. That being said, I didn’t want to rely on a list of pink sex toys. Each of the following toys was selected based on closeness to the Coral color shown. I hope the list will inspire you to check out toys that you might not have thought of before and consider what role color plays in your toy collection and sex life.

EdenFantasys is probably my favorite retailer of general adult toys. They have a great collection of vibrators, dildos, etc. Also, its rare when they don’t have some sort of sale or deal going on. The six toys I chose for the Lively Coral round up are:

While Bad Dragon doesn’t have a designated Pantone color choice (they totally should) you can get custom colors for their fantasy dildos.

Here I marbled Apple and BD Orange for a Lively Coral effect on the Tako tentacle

On the other hand…er…tentacle, Etsy crafters are often able to make fantasy dildos of a variety of custom colors. The Crafty Hedonist has a Lively Coral creature from the deep called Undertow


Some of the links provided are affiliate links. This means if you make a purchase with this link, I will receive a small commission at no additional cost to you. This money helps me to keep making blog posts like this one and keep up the fun, sexy, educational content you love. Thank you.

KotW: Current Collar Status

Kink of the Week December 1-16: Collars comes at the perfect time as Mr. Faust and I are revisiting our D/s dynamic and current collar status after our BDSM life has been on hiatus. You can read my previous thoughts on collars in the first collar-themed KotW post here.

Molly explains that collars are “a popular part of BDSM and D/s culture. For some people it is a very important part of their relationship, acting as a symbol a bit like a wedding ring but for others it something that is used as part of their kinky play and has no other significance.”

Reviewing Our D/s Dynamic

Our BDSM play and D/s was put on hiatus in my third trimester of pregnancy and, with the busy-ness of a new baby, a move across the country, and life in general, we didn’t pick it back up until recently (over 3 years later). Now that we are returning to this dynamic we also realize we are both very different people from the 19 year old and 23 year old that began this lifestyle together and ran with it.

Current Collar Status

Years ago I wore play collars of varying materials and meanings. I also gifted collars that ranged from play to symbols of commitment. It probably says something that I don’t have any of those collars today.

As we renegotiate our dynamic, we also revisit what collaring means to us. My current collar status is unknown.

Some days I wear a decorative collar made by someone who was formerly in our leather house years ago. I wear this like a security blanket some days – a reminder that I am Mr. Faust’s and cherished. Other days, his hand around my throat is the only thing I need to make me fully aware of my status.

Fat People Sex Positions

I had an impromptu Twitter chat on Fat People Sex Positions, specifically in Erotica and Smut, and I wanted to make sure my points were clear and saved on my site. If you want to see the original thread, click here.

Originally, I was just going to do a screenshot of the conversation and load it here but I don’t know if that works for people who have software that reads them blog posts so I am going to post the transcription here instead. Going to apologize ahead of time if it comes out a little bit jangled.

Fat People Sex Positions Tweet Storm

Doing research for an article on fat peeps and erotica. One Twitter friend said they would like comfortable sex positions mentioned. Here is my thread on being fat, having sex, and sex positions… #FatAndSexy #FatActivism #AmWritingErotica #Erotica #BBW

First – @Artists_Ali has a fucking fantastic video answering questions about sex positions, libido, and fat people. Go watch it. Pre-requisite, required viewing as far as I’m concerned. Also follow her Twitter because she inspires me daily
[Artist Ali is the amazing person behind Ok2BeFat on YouTube.]

Oh yea here’s the link to the video ?

First. This will be said by me a lot I can only speak from experience and research. I am a fat, cis woman, bi, polyamorous, kinkster with joint disfigurements that cause me pain and I’m married and I’ve birthed a kid. This all plays a roll in how I face life.
[I know I said First twice, oops]

Second, I’m POSITIVE someone will view what I say differently. If you do, feel free to comment but know I do not respond to bullies and will report/block without banter. #BoundariesAreNecessary #IGiveNoFucks

Ok down to the #FatSex! As said in the video – any position that is comfortable to you and your partner(s) is great! Do that! Figure out through experimentation and open communication. Moving forward I’m talking specifically about fat sex in erotica.

When writing fat people having sex, hell when we’re doing anything at all, remember that our bodies are always with us and effect how we interact and experience the world.
Our bodies will of course effect our sex lives! Not necessarily in bad ways! I know, shocker??

Some fat people will have an easier time than others in certain positions of course and not just because they are fat. I have joint issues so that effects my positioning, for example. Same with Mr Faust and many other partners. Consider the size and preferences of partners

Example: Mr Faust has a belly and so do I. Sitting in his lap with our bellies between us does make it difficult to angle his cock up into me. I cannot tell you if this would be an issue if I was with a man with a flat belly but it could be considered.

The strength of a partner that is lifting a fat partner is also a consideration. Strong partners without joint issues may lift your partner with ease. Otherwise there are tools we can use like props and handles for shower sex, etc.

Example Before Mr Faust’s knees got so bad, he could lift me with ease and toss me around. He has done labor work and lifted weights for years so this was never an issue despite my weight.

That being said! Weight and fat are not always synonymous 175lbs might not sound very fat and perfect liftable and thin unless you consider that on a 4’11” frame (me when I met Mr Faust.

When writing a fat person fucking also consider how their body might move during sex. You may or may not want to account for every jiggle and slap but they do happen.

#FatSex Horror Story

The big fear for many fat peeps is being on top or, horror of horror, face sitting.

Oh my fucking gods…please do not be scared to put fat people on top I fucking beg you!!!!

If the bottom can’t breath have em give the top a smack on the ass or something. I was scared for years to sit on a partners face by I’ve had partners fucking love it. Fat be it from me to keep them from their wet fantasy’s – fat be it from you to not write because you’re scared
[I meant Far be it from…not Fat, but it worked out it seems]

Taking a break to get a drink and talk to my SIL Please ask me your questions or give your fat erotica suggestions. What’s your favorite Fat Erotica Story?

Want to also recommend @TheNudeWriter and her body positivity project. She collects nude anonymous pics to share with the world and show the beauty in all bodies – including fat bodies.

When I get my 2nd wind I’ll be back here and talk a lil about kink as a fat person. Inspired by all my fat friends that didn’t think they could be tied up, wear a costume (school girl uniform), etc. they learned otherwise

Fat People Sex Positions Part 2

Ok I’m back. My favorite erotica sub genre is BDSM. I do NOT expect full realism in smut but I would love to see some fat peeps getting kinky in smut and I run into so many people that will shy away from writing it or fetishize the fat.

Y’all into fat fetish, I am so not here to yuck your yum but it is not on my feel good list. I’m also not into humil so I won’t get into that. You’ll have to find someone else into talking about writing Feeder/Feedee Piggy play Etc. I’m here to talk D/s, bondage, and fat

Lot of fat peeps worry about being able to participate in rope play and bondage because they fear their weight will be an issue. There is also a lack of representation which is of course the problem all around. Yes fat people can be tied up! We can be bound, beat, etc.

Check out Confessions of a Fat Rope Slut by @Aemok

The point is you can totally write fat people into bdsm erotica and it be real as fuck. You can write about our plump flesh trussed up and all the space we have for marks, etc.

We fat people are delicious fuckers to write about so do it!!!
Write us in all the positions!


I’m playing around with making a twitter chat on Fat people and smut, erotica, sex, etc a thing. I’m really bad sometimes with keeping online commitments though – something I’m trying to do better with. So I’ve been back and forth on this. Is this something you’d be interested in? Please comment below if so.