A Blessed Valentines Day

I know a lot of people dislike Valentines Day because of things like consumerism or connection to a saint and Catholicism that they don’t relate to. Others switch the day up with Pagan holy days like the Roman Lupercalia or the modern Heathen’s Vali’s Blot. I enjoy this day as a time to give praise to the Deities of Love and Sex like Freya, Frigga, Aphrodite, Dionysos, and others.

Its a time to look to the skies and remind ourselves why we were made, our connection to others and to the macrocosm (a time to astrologically check in to Venus and Mercury and Mars), and to dive deep into our capacity to love and where its directed.

For Valentines Day this year I made a meal for the two people I love most – my son and my husband. My son’s I kept simple – his favorite healthy snacks rather than trying to get a young one to sit down to a full meal he has no interest in. I followed that up with chocolates, fruit, and a favorite movie (Mary and the Witch’s Flower).

My husband and I enjoyed venison stew (heirloom recipe thanks to Galina Krasskova and her adopted mother) with rosemary garlic bread, aphrodisiac truffles (recipe available for free here), and chocolate covered strawberries.

Cooking is my love language. When I make food and see my loved ones enjoy it…well I cant imagine a better heart warming sensation (its akin to how I felt when I breastfed my son).

The next day we enjoyed a relaxing holiday aftermath with order in pizza, discount boxes of candy, and family movies. The love is still there, days later. The holiday isn’t for short term love but like any holy day, a time to set aside and remind ourselves to take a moment for love and give praise to each other and the Gods for this feeling and all that comes with it.

I am grateful that such a day not only exists but is internationally acknowledged even if not everyone believes or appreciates it. I don’t need their validation but its nice to have so much available and accessible including energetically.

Spring Lubrication

After some sex magic and ritual work last night for the Venus Lilith Conjunction Full Moon, I woke up feeling sore but energized with focus. I hope you did too, darling.

Its raining today – an undulation between a drizzle and a downpour, flooding the yard with pools. Going out, it felt like spring despite what the calendar said (I don’t know if its because of global warming or just south-eastern USA climate or both). It felt like spring rain and it got me to thinking about spring.

I danced in the rain a little, swaying my hips in a figure 8 to loosen those joints that are the epicenter of most of my chronic pain. The rain made rattle rhythm on the roof, doves in the cherry tree and crows in the beech added their cacophony, and the splashing all around me was good dance music.

Spring is lubrication season. Its the time when warmth stirs and the sap rises in nature. Earths deep ache begins to grow and She becomes wet in preparation of the hot thrusts of summer that lead to the drenching orgasm of autumn.

How does this relate to our own sexual rhythms? Our dry seasons, our wet seasons. Embrace them. The Earth doesn’t worry about wanting to rest instead of produce orgasmic quivers of wet need. We shouldn’t either. Rest, when you want to. If you want to do more than rest but your body is stuck or dry or constricted and wont loosen with moist readiness – make some choices to help your body out. Drink a relaxing nervine infusion (oat straw and chamomile is a great option), eat an aphrodisiac truffle (recipe here), and grab your favorite lube.

Enjoy the Spring Lubrication

Dance in the rain, take a bath with rain water, tree water (birch if you can get it), express gratitude for the transition from the pillow talk snuggles of winter into the foreplay of the coming season. Do some foreplay with yourself – get yourself good and hot and wet before masturbation or sex (or both).

Whats your favorite lube? Comment below

Keeping Motivated as a Writer!

NaNoWriMo is just around the corner! I’m so excited but also a little nervous. Not only is this a huge writing commitment but I also changed my mind at the last minute about what book I’m going to write! I know! YIKES! So to raise my spirits and keep motivated as a writer, I have a series of fun things to help me out – and of course I had to share them with you!

(Video coming soon)

NaNoWriMo

National Novel Writing Month is a fantastic motivator. The community online and off is like having a group of cheerleaders at any given time. They’re writers willing to share writing resources, do challenging word sprints, and give pep talks. I love this month!

Partipate in multiple locations! You can go on the NaNo site and hang out in the forums, search for Discord or IRC chats for NaNoWriMo participants, check out the #NaNoWriMo hashtags on social media (I prefer Twitter), and more. Offline, local areas often have write-ins where writers in your area can come together at libraries, coffee shops, etc to hang out, write and help each other out.

On the NaNoWriMo site? Want to be buddies? Add me: dphryxus

4theWords

I am an achievement whore. I love badges and progress charts so much. This is part of why I love gaming (Skyrim!!!). So when I learned there was an online fantasy game that helped writers draft their works – I was so ready for it!

4theWords is a game where you “battle” adorable monsters by doing word sprints. Different word counts defeat different monsters – the easier ones are struck down by writing 100 words or so and the harder ones by chugging away at thousands of words in one go. By defeating monsters, going on quests, and writing multiple days/weeks/months/years in a row (streaks) you receive badges, loot, etc.

You can join 4theWords today and try it for a month free. After that its pretty cheap to play. You can buy crystals and spend crystals on monthly subscriptions or other in game materials. When you sign up, be sure to use my referral code (ZJHCO88919) and I’ll add you as a writing buddy.
For NaNoWriMo you can also add the bonus code (wrimo19) and get 2 weeks extra for free! Do this even if you already have a paid subscription, you still get the 2 weeks free.

Writing Charts, Posters, and Gold Stars

I told you I’m an achievement whore. I love a good progress chart. Not only do I have my NaNoWriMo site chart to go on but I also have a physical chart that I can rely on when I need to unplug from the internet and focus on writing without distraction.

As I write and achieve word count goals, I’ll mark the chart and use some sparkly stickers.

Rewards and Punishments

Last but not least are my sets of awards for reaching certain goals…and punishments if I don’t. I am blessed with a great, supportive Dom who is more than willing to help me along on this journey.

When I reach certain word count and story goals I get a prize:

  • Halloween candy (we’re totally hitting the store after Halloween for the big discounts)
  • Kaelan Rhywiol’s Training Chronicles of Ilavani
  • A ring light for doing YouTube videos and taking pictures for the blog
  • Multiple orgasms
  • A new vibrator

If I don’t achieve certain goals I get a punishment:

  • Orgasm denial/edging
  • spankings
  • tickle torture

Make Me a Superhero: Kinkly Top Sex Blog Voting

When I started SmutGeek in 2018, it was during Top Sex Blog voting season. Kinkly was in the process of announcing their Sex Blog Superheros – those top 100 popular blogs readers nominated and voted for with love. I read the list with heart eyes. Now is my chance to try for it. Please click here for the Top Sex Blog Voting opportunity.

Top Sex Blog Voting - kinkly sex blog super heroes call to vote please click to vote for me

What is a Top Sex Blogger List?

Its a listing of blogs that are sex positive nominated and voted on by fans. These blogs are then evaluated based on the Kinkly criteria of writing quality, frequency of posts, sex and body positivity, over all design, active social media, overall impression, and number of votes.
I need at least 5 votes to be considered. If each person that has seen my blog this month votes that would be well over 200 people rooting for me. If each person that follows me on Twitter votes, that would be over 1700 fans cheering me on!

What does it mean to make it on the top 100 list and when will they announce the winners?
“On November 4th, we’ll announce the Top 100 Sex Blogging Superheroes of 2019. We’ll also break out and crown a few winners in key categories – and hand out some prizes from the Kinkly Shop. We can’t wait!”

Kinkly explains how their bloggers are listed, and that they are going with an unranked list for fairness, which I think is cool.

Why Do These Top Sex Blog Lists Matter?

Remember that its not a perfect system. No matter the results of the final list, whether I make it in the top 100 or not, its not a direct representation of how good my site is.

Kayla Lords shared on Smutlancer “If you’re a sex blogger hoping to one day make at least enough money to pay your hosting fees, you should be asking – do these things matter?” She went on to explain:

Its validation of the hard work we writers do. Its a chance to feel supported in your hobby/biz choice and see enthusiasm for the work you do.

More views of my site equals more chances for the work I love doing. Bloggers on the list are more likely for companies to email them and say “We saw you made the list – congratulations! Would you like to work with us?” This is the dream, y’all.

Please Vote For Me

It only takes a second to click the link, tap the button, and, if you want emails on the results, type in your email address. Thank you!

Easily Orgasmic

Easily orgasmic. I used to think there was something wrong with me. (I originally wrote this on Smutathon 2019 blog. Check it out for more kinky writing and a chance to support a great charity.)

I saw articles, blogs, whole books dedicated to the well known fact that a vaginal orgasm was elusive and damn near impossible. I heard stories of women faking them because they couldn’t have one. I met fundamentalist Christians who said they were even and therefore it was good that they were rare.

And yet…a strong breeze in the right skirt could damn near have me trembling. I could just day dream about a delicious sex scene and cream my panties.
I went through my teens and early adulthood thinking I had never had an orgasm. I couldn’t have. They were too difficult to obtain so whatever I was feeling when I masturbated or fooled around with a partner could not possibly be me cumming…right?

What Did My Partners Think?

I talked to my boyfriend (who would later become my husband) as we cleaned up from mutually masturbating in his truck. I told him that I worried about how easy it was for me to cum. My words were mumbly because I didn’t want him to feel bad. Making a girl orgasm was supposed to be a badge of honor for a guy, right? He shrugged and said that he didn’t think it really matter. “What’s important is that you feel good, right?”

He was right but I still wasn’t sure what was going on.
It wasn’t until I met one of my girlfriends who was a sex worker and piercing artist. She knew a lot about anatomy and was more than happy to chat about my vagina after having some kinky sex. I explained my concerns and was glad she didn’t laugh at me. She was the opposite. It was very difficult for her to have a vaginal orgasm but easy to have an orgasm in other ways. Laying it out, she assured me that I needed to think of it all from the perspective that we are all different. What gets us off, how, and how we feel about it will be different from person to person.

She was also one of the first people I met that understood that an orgasm isn’t necessarily the end all be all of sex. In fact, she was one of only three lovers I’ve ever had that understood that just because I have an orgasm doesn’t mean that sex was fulfilling.

Easily Orgasmic =/= Fulfilling Sex

Thats right.
Just because I have an orgasm DOES NOT mean that sex was fulfilling. 

I explain it this way. I can cum on my own. Being with a partner, for me, is way more than getting off. Its connection, play, and kink. Even if the sex is casual, it still meets those needs I have beyond climax.
Once I understood this, that sex was more than orgasm, I not only was able to voice my needs better and have better sex, I was also better able to listen to and seek out the needs of my sexual partners.

Orgasms and Toy Reviews

Another issues that has come up for me and my quick and easy orgasms was reviewing sex toys. When I first started reviewing adult products I read other reviewers to get an idea of what I needed to write.

Thing is, so many reviewers talked about whether the toy was able to get them off. Well damn, if I so much as touched my clit with a vibrator I was soaked. How was I supposed to review toys when they all got me off? What was the standard.

Thinking back to my former girlfriend and her advice, I looked at toys from the perspective of what could different people with different sexual needs get out of this? It made me think harder about how toys were made, ways to use them, what made them tick, and materials used. In the end, my reviewers were better for it.

Easily Orgasmic and Going Forward

I wish someone had told me about sex, orgasms, and other needs being met sooner but, it is what it is. I’m glad I know now and am able to pass it on to others who might need to know.

Sex After Marriage and Kids

I recently celebrated my 9th anniversary! Ironically, after a day of intimacy and night of intense sex, I saw not one but two loud posts on social media expressing some negative opinions about sex after marriage and kids. While I could just laugh it off and move on, I wanted to express my own thoughts on the matter, from experience.

In 2010, I was 21 years old and newly married. Since losing my virginity 2 years prior, I was still learning about my own sexuality. In mainstream media (and apparently social media) this would have been the coffin nail in my sex life (unless I decided to divorce later or have a torrid affair). SorryNotSorry to disappoint.

In the last 9 years I have crossed quite a lot off my sexual bucket list. I have had threesomes, sex in semi-public, been whipped and whipped others, been fisted, had 5 girlfriends, and more orgasms than I can count. Oh, and I’m not done yet.

But What About the Children!

One of the tweets I saw post anniversary shenanigans was someone sharing that a friend of hers was “concerned” about her kids because she had a wild sex life. Y’all, the kids in question here sleep in their own rooms and the couple having wild sex are not pedophiles nor or are they exhibiting their sex lives in full view of their children.

I have a child. In fact, I’m a stay-at-home-mom and house wife. My husband and I keep our sex confined either to kiddo’s sleeping hours or when he is being cared for by another trusted adult. Our sex life has merely moved to a different schedule but is no less intense or exciting.

In fact, I think its good for our kid to see that his parents are intimate in non sexual ways. Damon snuggles me openly and often, we kiss frequently, hold hands, etc. I thank our healthy and active sex life for this in part.

Aren’t You a Lil Old to Be Fucking Like Rabbits?

I think a lot of the “marriage kills sex” cliches out there are paired with the concept that marriage, especially between cis-gendered people of the opposite sex, is for old people or makes them old. I’m 30 and I don’t care to tell people that. Damon is a few years older than me. Ironically, we both frequently experience people thinking we are younger than that.

Sure, we have to navigate our sex lives around not only schedules but my bad hip and his shot knees but neither of these issues pertains to our age. Lots of people over the age of twenty have wild sex and health and schedules are not only things older people have to think about.

We Are Not Alone

Not only were several married friends rolling their eyes at the tweets about lack of sex after marriage and kids, but most of the kinkiest people I’ve ever met in my life have been older, married parents.

The first polyamorous people I ever met were an older married couple that Damon used to play with. My ex-girlfriend’s mom was a successful dominatrix. My brother-in-law’s mom is a pro Domme and has been his whole life (while also balancing that with being a stay-at-home-mom). Lots of cam girls and sex workers I know have a kid or two.

My point – getting married and having kids does not mean you are no longer sexually active or kinky!

Tell Me More!

I would LOVE to see more articles, stories, erotica, romances focusing on married people and parents. Comment below if you have an erotic story or article that focuses on these groups. Sex after marriage and kids doesn’t have to be boring or nonexistent, loves!

May Day

It’s the First of May! Not only is this day traditionally celebrated as a date connected to fairies, magic, and spring celebration but it is also the start of Masturbation Month and the 31 Day SexGeek Challenge! I have a feeling May is gonna be a great month!

How to get started celebrating!

Read my article on The Big Fling about the history of Masturbation Month and why and how you should celebrate!

Grab a copy of my erotic short story collection, Nerdy Dirty and Curvy, now Free with Kindle Unlimited!

And last but not least join me for 31 Day SexGeek Challenge. Today’s prompt is the last sexy picture you took! Here is mine:

May Day

Goth Feet

Its been a while since I took pics of my feet for friends with foot fetish. If you missed my last one, click here.

Today began with a simple pedicure, ending in some yummy smelling Death Unicorn Black Lavender lotion.

I think took my fresh feet, Revlon Knockout polish, coffee, and a treat outside to paint my toesies. Black is one of my favorite colors, especially when it comes to polish. The result was a fun impromptu photo op with my black and pink goth mug and cookie.

If you enjoyed this free feet photo collection and would like to thank me int he form of a gift, I have an Amazon wish list that includes a variety of adult, geek, and goth products such as nail polish, socks, shoes, and more. Feed my fetishes so I can feed yours!

KotW: Current Collar Status

Kink of the Week December 1-16: Collars comes at the perfect time as Mr. Faust and I are revisiting our D/s dynamic and current collar status after our BDSM life has been on hiatus. You can read my previous thoughts on collars in the first collar-themed KotW post here.

Molly explains that collars are “a popular part of BDSM and D/s culture. For some people it is a very important part of their relationship, acting as a symbol a bit like a wedding ring but for others it something that is used as part of their kinky play and has no other significance.”

Reviewing Our D/s Dynamic

Our BDSM play and D/s was put on hiatus in my third trimester of pregnancy and, with the busy-ness of a new baby, a move across the country, and life in general, we didn’t pick it back up until recently (over 3 years later). Now that we are returning to this dynamic we also realize we are both very different people from the 19 year old and 23 year old that began this lifestyle together and ran with it.

Current Collar Status

Years ago I wore play collars of varying materials and meanings. I also gifted collars that ranged from play to symbols of commitment. It probably says something that I don’t have any of those collars today.

As we renegotiate our dynamic, we also revisit what collaring means to us. My current collar status is unknown.

Some days I wear a decorative collar made by someone who was formerly in our leather house years ago. I wear this like a security blanket some days – a reminder that I am Mr. Faust’s and cherished. Other days, his hand around my throat is the only thing I need to make me fully aware of my status.


Fat People Sex Positions

I had an impromptu Twitter chat on Fat People Sex Positions, specifically in Erotica and Smut, and I wanted to make sure my points were clear and saved on my site. If you want to see the original thread, click here.

Originally, I was just going to do a screenshot of the conversation and load it here but I don’t know if that works for people who have software that reads them blog posts so I am going to post the transcription here instead. Going to apologize ahead of time if it comes out a little bit jangled.

Fat People Sex Positions Tweet Storm

Doing research for an article on fat peeps and erotica. One Twitter friend said they would like comfortable sex positions mentioned. Here is my thread on being fat, having sex, and sex positions… #FatAndSexy #FatActivism #AmWritingErotica #Erotica #BBW

First – @Artists_Ali has a fucking fantastic video answering questions about sex positions, libido, and fat people. Go watch it. Pre-requisite, required viewing as far as I’m concerned. Also follow her Twitter because she inspires me daily
[Artist Ali is the amazing person behind Ok2BeFat on YouTube.]

Oh yea here’s the link to the video ?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iZyNe7Y7NT4&feature=youtu.be

First. This will be said by me a lot I can only speak from experience and research. I am a fat, cis woman, bi, polyamorous, kinkster with joint disfigurements that cause me pain and I’m married and I’ve birthed a kid. This all plays a roll in how I face life.
[I know I said First twice, oops]

Second, I’m POSITIVE someone will view what I say differently. If you do, feel free to comment but know I do not respond to bullies and will report/block without banter. #BoundariesAreNecessary #IGiveNoFucks

Ok down to the #FatSex! As said in the video – any position that is comfortable to you and your partner(s) is great! Do that! Figure out through experimentation and open communication. Moving forward I’m talking specifically about fat sex in erotica.

When writing fat people having sex, hell when we’re doing anything at all, remember that our bodies are always with us and effect how we interact and experience the world.
Our bodies will of course effect our sex lives! Not necessarily in bad ways! I know, shocker??

Some fat people will have an easier time than others in certain positions of course and not just because they are fat. I have joint issues so that effects my positioning, for example. Same with Mr Faust and many other partners. Consider the size and preferences of partners

Example: Mr Faust has a belly and so do I. Sitting in his lap with our bellies between us does make it difficult to angle his cock up into me. I cannot tell you if this would be an issue if I was with a man with a flat belly but it could be considered.

The strength of a partner that is lifting a fat partner is also a consideration. Strong partners without joint issues may lift your partner with ease. Otherwise there are tools we can use like props and handles for shower sex, etc.

Example Before Mr Faust’s knees got so bad, he could lift me with ease and toss me around. He has done labor work and lifted weights for years so this was never an issue despite my weight.

That being said! Weight and fat are not always synonymous 175lbs might not sound very fat and perfect liftable and thin unless you consider that on a 4’11” frame (me when I met Mr Faust.

When writing a fat person fucking also consider how their body might move during sex. You may or may not want to account for every jiggle and slap but they do happen.

#FatSex Horror Story

The big fear for many fat peeps is being on top or, horror of horror, face sitting.

Oh my fucking gods…please do not be scared to put fat people on top I fucking beg you!!!!

If the bottom can’t breath have em give the top a smack on the ass or something. I was scared for years to sit on a partners face by I’ve had partners fucking love it. Fat be it from me to keep them from their wet fantasy’s – fat be it from you to not write because you’re scared
[I meant Far be it from…not Fat, but it worked out it seems]

Taking a break to get a drink and talk to my SIL Please ask me your questions or give your fat erotica suggestions. What’s your favorite Fat Erotica Story?

Want to also recommend @TheNudeWriter and her body positivity project. She collects nude anonymous pics to share with the world and show the beauty in all bodies – including fat bodies.

When I get my 2nd wind I’ll be back here and talk a lil about kink as a fat person. Inspired by all my fat friends that didn’t think they could be tied up, wear a costume (school girl uniform), etc. they learned otherwise

Fat People Sex Positions Part 2

Ok I’m back. My favorite erotica sub genre is BDSM. I do NOT expect full realism in smut but I would love to see some fat peeps getting kinky in smut and I run into so many people that will shy away from writing it or fetishize the fat.

Y’all into fat fetish, I am so not here to yuck your yum but it is not on my feel good list. I’m also not into humil so I won’t get into that. You’ll have to find someone else into talking about writing Feeder/Feedee Piggy play Etc. I’m here to talk D/s, bondage, and fat

Lot of fat peeps worry about being able to participate in rope play and bondage because they fear their weight will be an issue. There is also a lack of representation which is of course the problem all around. Yes fat people can be tied up! We can be bound, beat, etc.

Check out Confessions of a Fat Rope Slut by @Aemok
http://runningaemok.com/2017/03/01/confession-of-a-fat-rope-slut/

The point is you can totally write fat people into bdsm erotica and it be real as fuck. You can write about our plump flesh trussed up and all the space we have for marks, etc.

We fat people are delicious fuckers to write about so do it!!!
Write us in all the positions!

#FatSmutFriday

I’m playing around with making a twitter chat on Fat people and smut, erotica, sex, etc a thing. I’m really bad sometimes with keeping online commitments though – something I’m trying to do better with. So I’ve been back and forth on this. Is this something you’d be interested in? Please comment below if so.