Kink of the Week December 1-16: Collars comes at the perfect time as Mr. Faust and I are revisiting our D/s dynamic and current collar status after our BDSM life has been on hiatus. You can read my previous thoughts on collars in the first collar-themed KotW post here.
Molly explains that collars are “a popular part of BDSM and D/s culture. For some people it is a very important part of their relationship, acting as a symbol a bit like a wedding ring but for others it something that is used as part of their kinky play and has no other significance.”
Reviewing Our D/s Dynamic
Our BDSM play and D/s was put on hiatus in my third trimester of pregnancy and, with the busy-ness of a new baby, a move across the country, and life in general, we didn’t pick it back up until recently (over 3 years later). Now that we are returning to this dynamic we also realize we are both very different people from the 19 year old and 23 year old that began this lifestyle together and ran with it.
Current Collar Status
Years ago I wore play collars of varying materials and meanings. I also gifted collars that ranged from play to symbols of commitment. It probably says something that I don’t have any of those collars today.
As we renegotiate our dynamic, we also revisit what collaring means to us. My current collar status is unknown.
Some days I wear a decorative collar made by someone who was formerly in our leather house years ago. I wear this like a security blanket some days – a reminder that I am Mr. Faust’s and cherished. Other days, his hand around my throat is the only thing I need to make me fully aware of my status.
The Kink of the Week is Flogging! Gives me more than enough excuse to get into my Flogging Fetish! So…have you been flogged, or flogged someone else? What do you think of it? Is it an actual kink of yours – do you need it, want it, crave it? – or just something that you enjoy when it happens? Is it used a a precursor to other kinds of play – a warm-up? Or is it an activity you enjoy in and of itself? Are there certain types of floggers that you love (or love to hate?) A certain place to be flogged on your body, or a certain method that you like to flog someone? What is it about flogging that “gets” you – or doesn’t?
My Flogging Fetish
Flogging is the way I popped my BDSM cherry. Sure I had been spanked and what not before but as far as what I felt to be actual D/s play or scening, flogging was it for me. This was with Mr. Faust, and not long later with Mistress Fenreya at my first bondage club night.
I learned that I enjoy a steady, thumpy flogger with some weight to it. I enjoy being flogged on my upper back but really like to be flogged on my ass and thighs and in between.
When I am flogging, I tend to vary the impact between a variety of toys and floggers from a soft fuzzy flogger to a stingy paddle to a thumpy flogger to my hand and so on. This way I can spread the sensations out.
Flogging is one of mine and Mr. Faust’s most participated fetishes and because of this we have more floggers than any other toys.
This week we are talking about marks – specifically the marks left on your body – or the body of one you have been playing with – after you have been playing. How do you feel about getting or giving marks? Do you treasure them, or can you take or leave them? Are the marks you get (or give) part of your kink, and have some deeper meaning, or just an outcome of what you do? Or perhaps marks are something to be avoided or hidden, or that cause embarrassment. Or maybe you just don’t like them. Do you consider yourself a “marks fetishist”? Do you desire them, negotiate for scenes that will cause them, or are maybe even feel disappointed if you don’t get (or give) them? Are getting or causing marks, or the sight of marks on your body or the body of the person you play with, arousing to you? Are marks sexy? Are they a badge of honor? Do you poke at them, sigh over them, look at them in the mirror, maybe even take pictures of them? What about those of you with multiple relationships or play partners? Does that affect whether you give or get marks, or how, when or where?
Marks, for me, are fun, but are by no means “the point” of our play nor am I a marks fetishist. I can take em or leave em when it comes to play. When a submissive asks me for marks, I am always cautious and make sure they are sure and on placement: Do they have to go to work? What sort of clothes will they be wearing after this? Will they be going to a tanning bed in the near future? etc.
As for marking me and being poly. Our rule is that my husband can mark me as territory – usually a bite or hickey on the neck or breasts. Only a few of my past partners have been able to to do the same due to my desires or his.
As for marking people in other ways, Mr. Faust loves the look of rope marks and I find them appealing as well. Then there are marks left by our cupping set that are round bruises left after more sensuous play. Marks by spankings and floggings are fun. And then there are marks left from knife play that are more shocking to others but to us aren’t much different than an intense flogging welt.
The Kink of the Week is Electrical Play – this might shock you but, its not one of my favorite kinks though I’ve grown to appreciate it as a Top.
So what is your viewpoint on electricity as a kinky toy? Do you play with it? If so, how do you play with it? Here are a few of the more “common” types of electrical play. Have you ever played with any of them? Are there others that you enjoy that aren’t listed?
Have you experienced electrical play yourself? Did you enjoy it? Do you find it painful, erotic, irritating – electricfying? 😉 If you play with electricity as a Top or bottom, what draws you to it?
If you had asked me a month ago would I ever be into Electrical Play, I would have said NO.
I don’t like the feel of it. It’s not that its painful, for a flogging or paddling is so much more painful to me and I enjoy them. I simple don’t like the feel of it. It doesn’t turn me on…or didn’t.
A friend of mine recently lent Mr. Faust his Violet Wand kit, complete with several attachments. I was not pleased. I thought, “oh no, now Sir will want to use it on me…”
Instead of my dread being made real (well, I suppose it was as I had to experience being electrified a couple of times in order to remind myself how it felt) something awesome happened. I was able to see it used on other submissives and to eventually use it at as Top.
How fun to watch a body squirm as the scent of ozone filled the air and the arch of electricity lurched from wand tip to skin and raised hairs and chill-bumps. It was so exciting!
I became an Electrical Play Top. My first task – zap my girlfriend Wolfy’s vagina of course! ^_^
I also was pleased to watch as Devious Kitty and Wolfy proceeded to have an electrical slap fight in the middle of the living room, aiming for tender areas like nipples. If you haven’t seen two girls electrical slap fight, grab a violet wand with the attachment that makes the wearer the electrical conduit and give this a shot!
At Northern Exposure, Wolfy experienced electrical play on a broader scale in the class Stun Gun Fun with Eibon. She was given a taser for her efforts in the class! Oh how I have had fun with that this weekend!
I also learned how just because someone can be electrified in one place and handle it like a champ, taking that same tool at the same strength to another part of the body (oh, say, tits or ass or pussy) and they squirm and squeal and turn many shades of red (not gray). It is a beautiful thing!
The Kink of the Week is Knife Play – a topic I’ve been on the sharp, cold receiving end of.
Have you ever played with knives? Do you want to? Does the sight of a knife’s sharp edge excite you, make you afraid, do both? What about the feel of a knife? Does a knife at your throat (or other body parts), or does holding a knife to someone’s throat (or other body parts) make you hot or turn you cold? Is it fear play for you or just sensation play?
Mr. Faust loves knife play! The above picture is a knife play scene with him where he slit my fishnets to shreds and peeled the remainder off of me at a play party hosted by the Fox Den.
Knives have never been a huge kink of mine but I love looking at the pretty knives available at fairs and festivals and pawn shops, etc. Mr. Faust has a rather large collection of knives as well that he is very happy with.
One of the hottest erotica stories I ever read was on knife play that involved a Dom coming home to his sub sleeping with the window open. He scared her into waking up with a knife at her throat then used the handle of the knife to fuck her. Read that story years ago and it still turns me on to think of it. I wish I recalled the author and title…
Mr. Faust uses knife play as a lead up to blood play (where he uses sterile blades) most of the time. He normally uses a large knife for show, to rile the submissive up then run across her skin to train her not to squirm at the feel of cold metal on her heated skin. After he feels she’s ready…or terrified enough…he then switches to the sterile scalpel blades fresh from their packaging. (I am aware that not all knife play involves blood play, this was simply his experiences with it). The cuts in the following image are on our ex are also a reminder to those who are getting cut – listen to your knife/blood play top, when enough is enough…its enough AND don’t pick at the scabs and use salve or neosporin unless you want scars…
Have you ever seen a woman or a man in the grocery store with a beautiful, choker-style necklace, and wondered, “Is he/she kinky?” I know I have. What is it that makes this such a recognizable and enduring symbol of the BDSM lifestyle?
Collars hold a very romantic place in my heart, ironically. For me, a collar is a symbol of so many things
It symbolizes the BDSM lifestyle as fetish wear; ownership; the love of a Dom or Master; the submission and devotion of a sub or slave.
It is a badge of honor, of being proven worthy of ownership for many.
It is a form of commitment between a Master and slave as much as a wedding band.
Do you have or have you ever worn a collar as a symbol, or had a partner you had “collared” or to whom you were “collared”?
I have never been formally collared as a slave but I wear a collar periodically for my Dom as part of my submission. I do not have a permanent or locked collar.
What about different “levels” of collars (training, play, consideration, ownership, etc.)?
I certainly believe there are different levels of collars.
Many submissives I know, even ones not owned or do not have a Top, wear a collar for fashion or play or just as a badge of being part of the BDSM community. I have recommended to a few un-owned subs, however, not to do this so much if they are looking for a Dom because it tends to make them look unavailable.
There are also training or Under Consideration collars. These collars tend to be less formal and usually of the traditional leather with ring look (like the one above). They are usually worn in preparation for a formal collaring much like an engagement ring is worn before a wedding band.
Of course, there’s the formal collar. This, to me, is a locked or permanent collar given to a slave as a sign of ownership by a Master or Mistress that is as permanent and lasting as a wedding band. They are usually more formal looking as well – metal, chainmail, and even embroidered cloth are common materials. Many even come with beautiful matching locks. These sorts of collars are usually given in a ceremony that can be as elegant and large or private and intimate as the couple desires…also much like a wedding as well.
Or maybe you or your partner(s) only use them as part of a scene, as another toy in your kinky toybox?
Perhaps it isn’t about symbolism, but the feel of leather or steel under your hand or around your throat that excites you and sets a scene.
Wearing a collar to play parties, scenes, in the bedroom or even just around the house certainly sets the tone and mood. I relate it to using magical tools on a pagan altar. They aid in a shift in consciousness and make me feel the hand of my owner even if he is not physically near. When he is near, the collar is something he can see around my next and feel his Domination of me even more.
What about collars in public?
Wearing a collar, or any other fetish wear, in public is up to the person wearing it and where they are going to be, in my opinion. I say that if you’re not dragging another person non-consensually into your scene or lifestyle AND it is appropriate for the location (i.e. not wearing a neon-green dog collar to granny’s funeral or a rubber collar that says BITCH on it to pick up your niece from daycare) then go for it.
Also, not all collars are obvious. Some look like jewelry (like the one at the top of the page). The collar I wear in the goofy picture here is a rather blatant piece of chainmail jewelry. However, despite it being a lot of “bling” it does not have the stigma of a leather, ringed collar or a dog-collar. I could wear this with ease to a club or concert or even into town and the only looks of disapproval I would get would be the same as if I was wearing a Slayer t-shirt or because of my somewhat wild haircut.
Have you or do you wear a collar in public, or have a partner that does, as a symbol or as part of a scene?
I have, yes. I’ve worn them walking around in public among the ‘muggles’ and at play parties when I’ve been going as a submissive and, usually, when I have no intentions of Dominating anyone.
What do you think of those who do wear collars in public?
If you can get by with it and are not bringing someone non-consensually into your scene, go for it!
The Kink of the Week is all about Roleplay and Roleplaying. This is right up my ally as a kinky geek. I began roleplaying long before I had sex for the first time – it was part of my first experiences in BDSM online.
Does roleplaying have a place in your kink, either play or relationships? If so, is there one particular type of roleplay you do, or many? Roleplay has a huge place in my kink/play/relationships – all together. I started out in the BDSM scene online in roleplaying forums and chatrooms. From there I found my space in vampire, furry, littlegirl/DaddyDom roleplay arenas and later even started out as a Domme/Switch in the same sites.
Do you roleplay online or in the flesh, or both? Both
Do you roleplay with certain people and not others, or only in a certain kind of scene? Offline- I am very particular about who I play with. The play can be intense (Bondage, impact play, sex) and I only play with people I am in a relationship of some sort with. Online- the anonymity of online play and the lack of physical connection frees me up to play with others a little more. Even then, though, I am very particular – I won’t cybersex with men, the use of proper spelling and grammar is a must, and I won’t do certain rp scenes like incest or anything that breeches my hard-limits.
What role(s) do you enjoy, and are there roles you’d like to explore? I am a Switch and the roles I enjoy most vary depending on mood and partner: With Mr. Faust I am his good girl, his slave, his pet, etc I like being a Dominant Little Girl – usually a big sister to a bad little boy or girl I also love Vampire roleplaying Recently I was introduced to the idea of being Little Red Riding Hood to a Big Bad Wolf
How does roleplaying fit in with your dynamic, and what do you get out of it? What I get out of it and how it fits depends on the rp scene and my role. If I am a bottom and the scene involves some sort of BDSM or sex, I get gratification of pleasing my top and of being thoroughly used. If I’m a Top and say the scene is a nurturing or teaching one, I get the gratification of taking care of someone else. The Top and bottom scenarios can be in any setting from Age Play to Vampire.
The Kink of the Week is Foot Fetish! I have a little bit of experience with this particular kink though it is not one of my own turn ons. You can see my blog post with the photo collection of my feet all lubed up for a couple of feet-loving submissives here. Because I don’t have this kink I thought I’d share my own cute feetsies and a little bit of info about those I know who do and what kinks I have that do involve feet.
SmutGeek’s Foot Fetish Info
Mr. Faust has a slight foot fetish. I asked him about this as he kissed and sucked on my freshly washed toes and he said he was interested in having every inch of me in his mouth, followed by one of those grins that makes me melt.
For me, feet look best in tights, stockings, cute socks, or freshly pedicured. My kinks around feet mostly revolve around dressing or beating or tickling feet. I’m not apposed to foot massage either.
In the end, I’m happy to accommodate partners with a foot fetish. I’ve showed off my feet for friends who have it and it always feels good to have them compliment parts of my body I might not always love.